Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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