Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
