I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
