I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Text me some of your sweat
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
