and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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