youre lurking in front of me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
