I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
