any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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