I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
