She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
