do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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