Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
