my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
