apparently the secret to your success is patron
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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