I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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