so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
