do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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