I hate all girls vehemently.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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