okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
