found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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