tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
