I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
