Apparently you make a good broom.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
