do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
