Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
