i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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