u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
