I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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