somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
