So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
