I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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