I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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