I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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