As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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