i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
