Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
