I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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