tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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