hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
