We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
