Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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