Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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