She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
