Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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