Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
