I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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