how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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