No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
soo... how was my night?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
