I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
