bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
