So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
