I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
