Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
