i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
